Reflections

During my oncology rotation for my internship, there were some patients who were too sick to go to hospice. So they spent their final moments in the hospital. One of these patients, whom I will call Barbara, would welcome me into her room to talk. I spent several shifts trying to raise her spirits only to find that she had helped me work through my own issues. The very last thing she said to me, after I thanked her for everything, was, "Jarrod, I'm just a reflection of you." 

At the time, I really didn't get it. When I found out that she passed away four hours after I left that day, it really stuck with me. I thought it was just something cool and spiritual that a wise person would say. About a year later, while thinking about Barbara, the meaning almost hit me in the head. I realized so suddenly, I am just a reflection of you.

Anything I see in you, I also experience myself. I know you're angry because I know what it feels like to be angry. When I see someone grieve, I know what it is to feel that grief. The way other people are experiencing the world corresponds to my own experience. In that way, we are just reflections of each other. It is a very strange duality that each person is a universe unto ourselves but connected by the similarities at the core of our being. I cannot see something in someone else that I do not experience myself. We are all dialects of the same language.

The more I think about this, the more I realize that communicating with another human being has less to do with the muscles in our face and more to do with our energy and our intentions toward others. It's how we know the difference between a real smile and a fake or forced smile. It's all the same movements, but something is not quite right. The energy is wrong. That ability is directly tied to being able to empathize with others and ourselves. The inability to see that reflection and lack of empathy leads to disorders like psychopathy.

It's hard to think clearly in angry or emotionally charged moments, but if you can keep in the back of your mind that this person is really just a reflection of you, it can go a long in resolving your issues. At the very minimum, it will keep you calmer if the other person can't step back and reflect with you.